I get real: Celebrating my sadomasochistic soul by Tina Portillo

“… when engaging in S/M play I am free to feel all my feelings and thereby be a whole and integrated person. For that moment, the world makes sense to me. To me, S/M is a point of sanity that serves as a formiddable buffer against the insanity I see around me on a daily basis… And the best part is that S/M has all the passion, drama and emotion that is lacking for me in vanilla sex. In the evolution of sexuality as I see it, leatherpeople *are* the next generation…

… I need to have people in my life who understand me. It is not enough they merely tolerate me. They must love me *for* who I am, not *in spite* of who I am. We are only here in this life for so long, and I intend to make the trip worth it. My life is an adventure, to be enjoyed and shared. When people start telling me they cant share my joy because they have “issues” with what I do, I have to get away from them – fast…

… S/M enables me to confront the world and the people I have to interact with in extraordinary ways. By releasing a great deal of the tension and stress I’ve carried within me my entire life I gain energy, and I feel empowered to say no to unacceptable behaviour. I dont let anyone get away with abusing me anymore. S/M has provided the ultimate assertiveness training, not to be found anyplace else. I have gotten better at distinguishing who I can and cannot trust, so I make saner choices in all my relationships…

…My S/M needs though vitally important, are not that complicated – especially since, as a submissive, my greatest need is to please my top. The very shape of my consciousness changes, and all negative thoughts are driven away. Afterwards I always feel awesomely peaceful and relaxed, loved and lovable. No other high can match or surpass it. It makes me feel so totally alive, and *all there* – as opposed to *numb*. Life can be such a pain at times, that i cannot afford to stay in this particular reality for too long. In an S/M scene, I know that I am safe from harm while being carried off to a different dimension – and when i get *there*, I get *real*…”

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